Monday, March 06, 2006

Like I can talk

About people who don't update. Not having computer access at home really isn't condusive to blogging and having a job where I work 9 out of 8 hours a day doesn't make it much easier. I'm working a midnight tonight so I figured I'd update.

Before I list all the reasons life sucks let me list the reasons it doesn't. These are the things that make each day worth while:

1. I love my family. My husband is fantastic and I can't believe how lucky I am to have him. Les and I just looked through our wedding album and agreed that it was the best week of our lives. We had real fun getting married. How many people can say that and smile and laugh about it 2 years later?

My daughter is smart, and beautiful, and sweet, and good, and funny. She is the light of my life. Everyday and every moment I get to spend with her I remember how truly blessed I am and have been. Katrina is also stable. She is on a new astma medication which is working pretty well. She also is no longer using a nebulizer but a spacer now. The big difference is instead of spending an hour each day to do her breathing treatments it takes about 5 minutes total! How cool is that?

What I believe is that as long as my family is around life is still worth while. It's also great to know that they love me too.

2. Les and I are both working. The job we moved out here for (Les's) ended up being a dud (nice after we spent $30000 to move here and make a down payment on a home huh?) But he has found a job that pays half as much but gives him insurance and that he actually likes. It has been YEARS since he actually liked a job so this has been wonderful for both of us. I also am working and have health insurance, which is a great thing. I also enjoy my job. I enjoy the kids I work with. I like the work I'm doing. And I'm good at it. I don't have to worry that I can't pull it off because I've seen the hardest things and overcome them already. Now it's just setting cruise control and doing what I have to do.

3. We have good friends we love. Granted none of them are here. But they still call us, and some have driven the 300 miles to come and visit us. There is something wonderful and special about having people who understand when things aren't going quite right and you don't feel bad for not pretending that everything is fine when it really isn't. It's also wonderful that when things are going right you can share that with them and they are genuinely happy for you. What more do people need than that?

Now the flip side:

1. Moving here was probably the biggest mistake of our lives. We miss our friends and family. Our house is a disaster (no working toilets, water leaks, missing windows) which would have been ok had it turned out to be a commercial property like we were told and we could have opened a business. Now it is just a black pit that eats our income (1,800 a month for mortgage payments and gas).

2. This pregnancy. Luckily I no longer wish I'd gotten rid of the kid. I've grown rather attached to him. He's a happy little sucker and just huge! BIG. I can tell. We saw his ultrasound in December and he is healthy. Nice spine, good heart, and everything where it is supposed to be. The problem has been that pregancy is not sitting so well with me.

I had an EKG done in January and they confirmed my suspicion that my heart is screwy. Basically my pulse is running between 140-160 while resting. I walk up my stairs and I'm out of breath and have to sit for 5 minutes to get my pulse to slow down. But no major problem. The next thing that happened was my blood pressure. It runs about 118/100. It's not a good number. It's not absolutely horrible yet either.

In the last month I managed to put on 10 more pounds. This is the biggest I have ever been and with Kat I put on 13 pounds. This one has me up by 40 so far. The 10 pound gain raised my alarm bells a bit and evidently the doctor's too. So they sent me for glucose testing. Gestational Diabetes. Generally this isn't much of a problem unless you add on high blood pressure and rapid heart rate. So now I'm on a no sugar diet and will probably have this child early since he is soooooo freaking big! Oh well I'm sure it will all work out. I may just have to be prepared for the possibility of an early birth and maybe a C-section.

Huh, the little bugger is kicking me right now. He's a happy child.

I'm gonna leave it at that. We still have hopes that things might end out working out but we're truly not sure that it will. Our best hope right now is that we will be able to sell our house and move back home. We really don't like it here.