So Called Life.
I'm not sure if anyone still checks this, and that's ok. Really. I just need to rant and rave a little. You are under no obligation to read this because there is very little good news in it.
Things have not exactly worked out (yet) I'm still hoping they will but I'm worried that they won't and that we're going to have serious trouble surviving the next year.
Oh geez... Where even to start. There really is just so much.
Well, I guess I'll start where we left off. We got moved ok and we finally got our house. Then the day after closing we found out that we weren't allowed to open a day care there and that they had made a mistake when they told us the home was "commecial" Now we have outrageous house payments with no way of re-couping. Les's fabulous full time job has turned out to be a part time job with no benefits. We're stuck 300 miles from home with no friends, no family, and little income. I did get a job and it's ok. It will work for now, but we should never have left home.
Katrina's asthma has gotten worst. They are sending her to a lung specialist. To make things even better she has started having seizures at school everyday. She has an appointment to see a pediatric nuerologist too. Yes. I'm freaking out. Actually I have spent the last two days crying. Asthma was hard enough to cope with, but epilepsy too? How the heck does one deal with two diseases like that?
We found out in September that we're pregnant. Which is good. If we had health insurance. And honestly, now that Katrina is just getting sicker and sicker all the time I've been thinking that an abortion might not be a bad idea. I want a baby, I do, but I don't know how I would handle two sick babies. And this one could be worse. I didn't get any medical treatment until my insurance through work kicked after 4 1/2 months along. If there are problems it's too late. It's too late for vitamins to work. It's too late for the early testing. So while I was happy for a while I'm freaking out more and more as the stress builds up.
We have a house we can't afford. No insurance for the kids (Katrina got medical because the county worker pulled strings). Jobs that offer mediocre pay and require 3 hours of travel time each day.
I know things could be worse and while it doesn't sound like it I thank God for what good things we have.
But I am so freaking depressed I can't even begin to describe it. I know that if anything were to happen to Katrina it would not be pretty. She is the only person I live for.
posted by LilithAniamos @ 10:41 AM
5 Comments:
/hugs.
I still read. In fact, i check nearly every day since you moved to see if there's been an update and to try to email you.
I barely know where to begin or what to say. I know that nothing anyone can say can make anything any easier, and I wish it was different. I'm sorry that things are so tough and nothings been working out. And I hope that you find a way to recoup your losses, one way or another and get back on your feet.
Kat.. wow. i'm sorry hun. Asthma isn't easy to deal with and to add other illness on top of that has got to be hard. I hope that she doesn't turn out to have epilepsy. and I hope that they can find a solution to help her asthma ease off so she can have a better life and you and Les both have less worries. She's such a darling, and I know none of this is easy on any of you. Just remember what a miracle she is, which I'm sure you never forget and remember, your strong Niki, one of the strongest women I've ever had the pleasure of knowing, and tho things are tough right now, I know that you will always be there for your daughter, loving her and supporting her. You're a great mom. You and your family have been thru so much, and yet you haven't given up. You give so much. /huggles.
I hope that you'll be able to find a way to open a daycare after all. Did they give you any reason as to why it wasn't possible?
Normally, I'd say congrats to you on the baby, since i know how much you wanted another one possibly in the future. and I'm sorry that this has happened at the wrong possible time. I hope that you find the right decision to make for your family and for you, and that things work out.
I'm sorry that i'm not full of more inspiring words, I just honestly don't know what I could say. Just know that if you ever need to rant, or to talk, i'll always be willing to listen and that you're not alone.
Take care hun, and I hope to hear from you. you're never far from my thoughts, and you'll be in my prayers right now. I may not have a faith, but I still do believe in praying that things work out /hugs. Love you
~dark
Sandra,
As always you're a light in the darkest tunnel.
Could you email me your website? I lost all my contact stuff when we moved. I had to google my own blog just to find where it was to post!
*huge hugs*
Thanks!
I hope the kids are well. Can't wait to find out.
-Niki
I Sent it to your hotmail address.
/hugs.
I've missed you. Hope to get to talk to you soon!
Lots of love to you guys
~dark~
Another reader.
if it makes you feel any better, things suck for lots of other people, it's just that different things suck at different times. maybe things suck more for you right now, but I don't want to get into a urine propulsion contest.
You are far away from your friends but that's why God gave us the internet. if you need my email address let me know.
it's good to hear from you again.
Still reading here, too - well, I am now that I found a link to your blog again. I've lost a good number of files, which is kind of annoying, but most of them I can sorta recover.
I knew about the house - we had a short phone conversation sometime after that happened - but not the rest. And it's kind of hard to know what to say to it all, truth be told. Best I can offer at the moment is to keep hope and take things as they come. Sorry I don't have more than that.
You know of ways to find me if you need to rant or vent or bounce ideas off of a relatively receptive surface. If you need a refresher leave a comment saying so - I'll make it a point to check back here to see.
Take care.
Shane
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